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Loving Your Children Differently

Alright so I’m about to spill the tea on loving your kids. Before getting pregnant with my second child I looked at my husband and was like “is it even possible to love someone as much as I love lily.” I’m here to tell you that for me that answer is 100% yes yes yes. So many people have asked me if I have a favorite child. The short answer is no I do not but, the real answer is that I love my children differently.

So lets talk about each of my babies!

LILY - 2 years old (crazy right?!??)

Lily was my first child and my baby girl. Having her came with a lot of struggles but it also was the best thing to ever happen to me. Lily made me mature from young and irresponsible to a responsible momma. She was my first and nothing can take that feeling away. My pregnancy with her was rough but I felt like I connected so well with my growing belly. As a baby lily was very fussy and super hard to breastfeed. I switched to exclusively pumping very fast and eventually formula when I couldn’t keep up. About one week after having her I felt completely off. I was beginning to feel distant from her and I was so paranoid that I was not sleeping at all. I went to the doctor after I woke up in a panic seeing things that just were not there. I remember seeing a shadow touching her. I was soon after diagnosed and treated for postpartum anxiety. That was so hard for me! I felt completely hopeless for weeks and I just was not connected to lily in the way my husband was connected to her. I felt guilty and ashamed and jealous of my husband. I obviously loved her so much but I just couldn’t connect. When lily was 4 months old I began to feel myself again. Even though she wasn’t the cuddling type she and I connected through games, sitting near each other quietly and through play. I see so much of myself in her and I absolutely LOVE that feeling. I know she is going to be so independent, wild and carefree and I cannot wait to learn more about her personality. She is such a wild toddler and we have been through so much together. I wouldn’t change that for the world.

CARTER - 3 months

Carter is my SUPER sweet baby boy. Literally he is just that. He was a super easy baby to deliver and he’s so simple. He breastfeeds like a champion and I have no postpartum anxiety at all. I am so happy that this is the case. I feel like at this age I bond so well with carter. Everything has been smooth and easy. We connect through breastfeeding in a way that makes me feel so happy. He is so different. He isn’t the type of baby that needs to be rocked to sleep. He’s obviously little still so I haven’t gathered his personality but, I do get the vibe that he gets bored with the same old thing and likes a change of scenery. I wouldn’t change this baby for the world either.

Now to the point: No I do not love one kid more than the other. I love them differently. I love that lily is like me and that I feel like I understand her. I love my bond with Carter and how easy and snuggly he is. They are two very different kids and they are my entire world. The love is completely different for me. Did I bond more with Carter as an infant... Yes I did. Do I understand lily better... Yes I do. The love for each child is too much to even amount to a comparison between the two. I truly don't have an overall favorite child. I feel like I can compare this to loving my husband. I love him differently than I love my kids also. With him I feel passion and like he’s my best friend. With lily and Carter I feel the type of love where I need to protect, nourish and support them but I feel that love in completely different ways. Each kid will need different things from me. While I may end up connecting or agreeing with one more than the other down the line that does not mean that I will favor one or the other. It means that I will love them both how I think they need to be loved.

I hope that those of you reading this who are afraid of not being able to love another kid as much as your first realize that it all depends on your outlook. If you tell yourself that you love one child more than the other then you are going to do just that. You need to look at each kid and know that your love for them is going to be different and that is okay.

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