Shit on the Wall

Alright so enough about babies for a bit. It’s time to talk about toddlerhood. I currently have a freshly 2 year old. Honestly, this age is so bittersweet! she is really starting to develop her personality as well as her language (even though sometimes I think she's speaking an entirely different language). She is also throwing a lot of tantrums, not quite ready for potty training, and honestly just making some bad decisions. I thought it would be fun to go into a few mini stories on the shit I deal with having a two year old.



(Me and my baby girl!)


Tantrums and Meltdowns


So we are really struggling with transitions with her. Lily could paint, be outside, or play without stopping ALL day. She really loves finger painting and if you try to steer away from painting she will have a full blown meltdown. Every time we try to do something different, she throws her paint covered hands all over the place, screaming and kicking until she is finally happy doing something else. We have similar experiences trying to leave the playground. This is so hard to manage and I haven’t been able to master transitions at all with her. I have tried letting her know in advance that we are leaving the park soon, getting down to her level, and offering choices, but nothing seems to work so if y’all got any tips for me, I would greatly appreciate them. The other day we were in Target (spending money on things we didn’t need), and I had the cart against the wall while I was scoping out the aisle for trail mix. Lily straight up started throwing boxes of crackers out of the aisle on the ground. I calmly told her that it is not nice to throw things on the floor and moved the shopping cart into the center of the aisle to stop this behavior. This resulted in a full blown meltdown in Target. I honestly thought she was going to flip over the shopping cart at one point. I was definitely getting the eyes from some people, but realistically I don't care what people think of my toddlers' meltdowns. I let it ride out and just stood next to her offering reassurance until it was over. Going to the store has definitely been an overall challenge….



(Here is a pic of lily refusing to leave this exact spot of the playground)



(Big smiles until it's time to leave the park)



Walmart Boobies


Honestly, I am convinced grocery stores are just a no go for Lily. One time, we were in Walmart and in the baby aisle looking for a potty seat for Lily. While in said aisle an older women came over to us and was saying hi to Lily and telling me how cute she was. Lily barely speaks to strangers and of course she chooses then to finally talk and the two word combination she gave the older lady was a bit traumatizing for me. So I am currently breastfeeding and Lily loves to come up and point at my boobs while feeding and say “boobies.” To me this is totally fine. She also struggles with the “L” sound and learned that my watch has a clock in that same week. So this older lady obviously had boobs too and instead of saying Hi back, my kid points at this ladies chest and says “boobies! Boobies!” followed by pointing at her watch and saying “Cock, Cock.” My face immediately turned completely white of embarrassment. I was like OMG this lady is going to think I am a nut job teaching my kid these words. However, I couldn't show embarrassment to lily because she should be so proud to point those out. In her mind she was showing off what she knows. You go girl! Thankfully, this woman thought it was absolutely hilarious and went on to tell me a story about her granddaughter saying “you Mother F#$Ker” to a lady at the gas station. I am very grateful that the lady didn’t report me after that. Toddlers definitely repeat everything that they shouldn't, that’s for sure.




Shit on the Wall


Now for the story you all have been waiting for…


So right at age 2, I thought lily was showing signs of being ready to potty train. She was taking HUGE poops on the potty when we put her there after meals periodically. Honestly, I truly did not think it was possible for a 28lb little girl to poop in such large amounts. We actually took a picture of her monster poop and put it in her photo album. She might kill me for this when she is older so I have set an alarm to delete this story in 5 years to prevent her from ever seeing it LOL. Anyways, If you scroll down to the bottom you can see the MONSTER poop (if you want, be warned it’s there!). After several monster poops, we tried to potty train using the 3 day method. The 3 day method works for many moms. Basically you watch your child very closely and remind them to tell you when they have to go potty. We chose to let our daughter just be naked in the house and to watch her closely. We learned after one day worth of pee puddles all over the floor, followed by her laughing and saying “UH-OH”, that she was NOT ready. Honestly, it was totally fine that she isn't ready, she is only freshly 2 years old. She clearly got used to NOT wearing diapers. During nap time she was in her room by herself as usual. Well she had another one of those monster poops in her pants. Instead of crying like usual she took off her diaper and smeared her shit ALL OVER. It was on the bed sheets, in her toes, on her hands, and in perfectly drawn lines and circles on the wall (kudos to her for being able to draw circles so well). I mean damn, I knew she liked to paint but I didn’t think her preferred medium was a warm turd. To each their own I guess…. I reallyyyyyyy wish I took a picture of this because it would have been great to have, but in the moment I was too concerned about cleaning said shit off of her wall. We immediately plopped her and her poopy covered body in the tub. The worst part is her grandma was going to be taking over her room the next day and I had just freshly washed the sheets and deep cleaned Lily’s room for her. From this experience, we have learned 3 valuable lessons:


#1 Don't try the 3 day method again until she can communicate with us better

#2 never put Lily to bed without pants (the kind that aren't easy to take off)

#3 Never wash the sheets for grandma until the absolute last minute


****Stay tuned for more potty training updates in the near future!


Below: LOOK AT THIS MASSIVE TURD! Literally some of it is covered by toilet paper. It was huge. #proudmom #healthydigestivesystem





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